my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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