I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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