Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
