GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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