are you so shy because you have an std?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize