Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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