As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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