Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
