Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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