He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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