I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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