Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
