Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
