i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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