there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
