do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
