i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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