4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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