so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
