Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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