did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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