and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
