we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
