I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize