What did we do last night that was yellow?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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