my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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