you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
