I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
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Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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