You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
