I am spending my child support on dildos
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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