Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
