There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
