worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
