I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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