What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
