So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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