I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
