We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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