I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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