Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's rum buckets o'clock
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
