maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
