Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
