the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
