ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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