i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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