I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
