So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
