at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
