Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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