i think i have two assholes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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