I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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