I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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