shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
