hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Pants are for mortals
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
