He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
