69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
