yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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