I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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