I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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