Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
