using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
