I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
