She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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