Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
