I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't deserve a penis
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
