Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
