you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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