Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
