she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
