At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My ass is underappreciated
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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